For me, college has been one of the most self-reflective times. I have grown SO much since my first day of college. I have learned a lot about my personality and even more about my faith. I know that this time next year I will be saying the exact same thing, but that is of the utmost importance. If you aren't growing, changing, and learning, then what are you doing?
In a little over a month…I close out my first year of college. Whoa. I seriously can't believe that it has gone this fast. Many of my posts have been about the struggle to find my place at Belmont. I have shared with you all how I have been feeling and how I have learned the Lord's will for my life through these various situations. This post is about God's goodness, His faithfulness, His graciousness to give me what I need…
In the beginning of this semester, I was talking with someone about the deep desire for fruitful, healthy friendships at Belmont. The desire to have friends that walk through life with me, the good and the bad. The type of friends that would turn me towards the Lord and not away from him, because first semester was rough in this regard. She looked at me and said, "How many times do we ask the Lord for things that are good, but then continue to rely on ourselves to find what we are asking for?"
If you are anything like me, you know what you should do and what the Bible tells you about walking in faith, but you don't necessarily know how to apply it to day-to-day life. She said this to me and I thought, "Well yeah, that's easy for you to say because you have a group of friends, a husband, and a baby. You aren't lonely right now." And that was when it clicked. That thought clearly revealed that I was relying on myself to provide what I was asking the Lord for.
Wait what? Here I was asking the Lord to give me good gifts, friends. Yet I was not giving over control to Him. I was not trusting that He would place friends in my life, in His timing. And that it would be good and fulfilling. Psalm 37:4 says, "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." As I read this verse, I had to ask myself what exactly "delight" meant. I researched different commentaries and other Bible verses that related to asking the Lord for your needs. One word that I pulled from delight is refinement.
That word seems way off from what most would consider delight, but let me explain. Refinement is part of the faith. Each and every day I should be asking the Lord to refine me. To take the ugly things out of my heart, the fleshly desires, and replace them with things that are good. Things that point me to Jesus and remind me of my place here on earth.
I can say that the Lord has blessed me this semester with three amazing girls at Belmont that push me to walk in faith and make the right decisions, but still have fun. I never would have thought that they would be the girls that would walk into my life and bless me in ways that they probably don't even know. On this side of things, I can see where the Lord refined me. I was trusting myself to look for friends based on materialistic things…beauty, fashion, what they were studying, what they do on the weekends, where they were from. I can clearly see where the Lord has wiped that out and changed my heart to look for the good in each of these girls. And they are beautiful. Beautiful because they love the Lord and it shines all the way through to the outside. They all have a joy for life that exudes in everything they do.
This post is a thank you. It is a thank you to my Savior. I think it is important to say thanks to the Lord and document His goodness so that others are challenged, encouraged, and included. I want y'all to see that if you have felt lonely, broken, or beat-down, there is hope and joy in recognizing your need for healing. There is no time-frame. I am still being refined and I am still learning how to check whether my requests and desires are being trusted completely to God.
Ups and downs. Highs and lows. That is life. But the invaluable lessons learned through it all are so worth the pain and brokenness that leads to joy and contentment.
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