May the Lord's Purpose Prevail

        Starting a new year.  It's 2014.  And everyone around me is making new year's resolutions.  They post articles about it on Facebook and tweet their resolution with hashtags so that everyone can see.  

I get it.  A new year is a natural break to make some new habits, while letting go of some old.  As I sit here and think on the last year, the good, the bad, and the ugly, I mean really ugly, I can only think of one new year's resolution that I want to make.  One that I want to keep.  Deep down I want to keep it.  

I want to get rid of the false, outward appearance that life is perfect, humming right along.  

As I have just closed out my first semester of college, I have learned one thing.  Life is hard, but oh, so good.  The past six months have been some of the hardest for multiple reasons.  And I believe that part of this stems from the pressure to look perfect, to look like I have a lot of friends, to look like I am living the college life.  I built up this scenario in my head of what college was going to look like.  I think it is only natural to do this.  However, I think it is so unhealthy because when things don't play out the way you imagined, dreamed, or wanted them to, you wonder what's wrong with yourself.  You wonder why everyone else's life looks better than yours.  You wonder why you can't have those amazing friends that such and such has pictures of on Instagram.  You wonder why your friends don't say funny stuff like that one person quoting their friend on Twitter does.  And before I know it, I am wallowing in heart-ache.  I am picking at the little imperfections that I have.  I am angry at God.  I am asking why I can't have what "they" have.  

But, as I am hitting these moments of emotional rock bottom, I am finding sweet comfort in Jesus and His words to me. His promise to pick me up and give me strength for today.

 "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21 

I found this verse while resting in the peace that the Lord's purpose will prevail over mine.  And then I stumbled upon this verse.  I sat there in sheer shock because that is a miracle.  The Lord revealed Himself to me through His sweet words.  I sat there with my mouth opened in disbelief because the Lord came to me.  And with that I have a couple things to ask.  How many times a day does the Lord speak to me and reveal His heart for me without me even noticing?  Stillness is not necessarily sitting down on your bed with a Bible open, waiting for the Lord's booming voice to appear.  Stillness is a state of heart.  It is a state of mind.  It is a state of spirit.  It is kneeling before the Lord with brokenness and pain, and saying You are still Lord of my life.  I find that when I settle my mind and take a deep breath, resting in the assurance of the Lord's grace, I hear His voice.  Sometimes in the quietest and simplest of ways, but always in the most soul-satisfying moments.  

While I know that the Lord covers me in grace and protects me from many evils in this world, I do not believe that this means that I should continue in patterns that are harmful to me.  So here is what I am doing practically to combat attacks from the enemy in day to day life.  

I began to see patterns cropping up in my life when I checked Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram all the time.  And I thought to myself, "I'll just delete the Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram app off my phone!"  And then this weird panic set in.  What if I miss something on Facebook?  And I knew I had to delete them because they were becoming a steady source of negativity.  However, baby steps.  I am deleting the Facebook app off of my phone and I am going to limit checking social media to a few times a day.  The constant comparing of myself to others is of the enemy and it is time to recognize that and call the enemy out.  I realized that I don't want to feel like my plans are not working out just because I see someone's pictures on social media, and it looks like their plans are working out.  Of course it looks like their plans are working out, no one puts negatives on social media.  And if someone from the outside looking in saw my life on social media, they would think my plans were working out just fine.  However, the truth is, the Lord's plans are prevailing over mine and I find myself disappointed, when I should be diving into His plans for my life.  Because in those plans are His blessings and in those plans I will find soul satisfaction.  

Instead of feeling defeated, disappointed, unwanted, and stuck, I am actively and purposefully reflecting those feelings off to my Savior, and asking for the Holy Spirit to fill me with thoughts of Him.  And I am repeating Proverbs 19:21 in my head.  And I am learning that changing thought patterns is breaking a habit and replacing it with a new one.  I am thankful for stillness, revelations, the Lord's voice, and His persistence to make me into a new creation.